The most Jalop cars on sale right now

"quattrofl" (miluman)
12/05/2013 at 12:10 • Filed to: brown, manual, wagon, bmw, mercedes, jaguar, jalop

I've read like a million times before about the most Jalop vehicle being brown, RWD, and a four-cylinder diesel wagon, with a manual transmission at the same time. Today I felt an urge to look up if such vehicle does even exist, or it is just an urban legend and lives as part of the Jalopnik folklore, haunting !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and other fellow Opponaut's dreams.

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Let me tell you, on one hand I wasn't disappointed, but on the other hand, I was saddened by my findings.

For me, the criteria screamed Europe, so I looked at the most obvious choices: BMW and Mercedes-Benz. Let's start with the former, shall we?

BMW

Wagons: The guys from Munich offer the 3 and the 5-Series in wagon form. Trunk size:

3 Series: 495-1600l (17.5 cu ft - 56.5 cu ft)

5 Series: 560-1670l (19.8 cu ft - 59 cu ft)

RWD: Yes they are, but xDrive is an option too.

Colour: The 320d/325d has a colour named Sparkling Bronze (see above), which is kind of brownish, and the bigger 520d/525d has one called Jatoba (which seems to be a Brazilian cherry wood type) and is grayish, but qualifies as a brown for me. But if you want to go browner, call DiCaprio call the guys at !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for a fix.

Engine/transmission: They both come with one of the finest out there, the N47D20 twin sequential turbo diesel, Engine of The Year 2010. 184/218 HP and 380/450NM torque. That's 300lb/ft+ for ya 'murricans. And in both cases, the engine is connected to a 6-speed manual transmission, which is a good one. Fuel economy: around 45 mpg (5,3 l/100 km) on the combined cycle.

Overall: Both qualify in every aspect, and are true Jalop cars with sporty characteristics so you can have fun while carrying all the good stuff back there.

Also: If you are willing to let the manual tranny go, and choose ZF's 8 speed sportautomatic that everybody seems to love, you can have an even more cool combo: 3 litre Inline6 turbo diesel.. in a brown RWD wagon.. with 258/313HP and 560/630NM (410-460lb/ft). 'nuff said.

Mercedes-Benz

Wagons: C-class, E-class, CLS Shooting Brake. Whoa! Fat asses here as well:

C: 485–1.500 l (17.1 cu ft - 53 cu ft)

E: 695–1.950 l (24.5 cu ft - 68.9 cu ft)

CLS Shooting Brake: 590–1.550 l (20.8 - 54.7 cu ft)

RWD: Yes, they are, but 4Matic is an option too, for the 220s and above.

Colour: Dolomit Brown for the C, and E-Class, and Cuprit Brown (above) for the CLS. Lovely that one.

Engine/transmission: All three can be bought with the same four cylinder diesel engine, with various outputs, from 120 HP (C180cdi), to 201 HP (C-E-CLS250cdi). Toque is 300-500NM (220-368 lb/ft). And here comes the bad part: the CLS Shooting Brake is auto-only. Sad Jalop is sad. The other two can be ordered with 6 speed manuals. Yeah! Fuel economy: around 45 mpg (5,3 l/100 km) on the combined cycle.

Overall: We have two qualifiers here as well, but the big Benz' are more elegant and practical with even more trunk space. And because Shooting Brake.

Jaguar

We have another i4 diesel wagon out there, but it fails at the tranny department: The Jaguar XF Sportbrake offers a 2.2 i4 td with 163 or 200 HP and 400-450NM torque (295-331 lb ft) and has a loading capacity of 550 litres (19 cubic feet) with the seats up and 1,675 litres (59.2 cubic feet) with them folded. Colour is an equally classy Caviar Metallic. Fuel economy is in the 45 mpg (5,3 l/100 km) range on the combined cycle. But it's an 8 speed automatic only. Boo.

To sum up, I'm really happy for you Jalops, and imma let you finish, but I've found your Holy Grails, they exist, one can go in a dealership and buy one of these new.. But I think this is not enough. We need MOAR cars like these. And MOAR affordable ones. Not to mention the US of A where you can only buy the 3 Series Touring. This is a sad world. But one can hope!

DISCUSSION (17)

Stef Schrader > quattrofl
12/05/2013 at 12:57

I4 TDI? That seems a bit...small.

"The biggest TDI we can stuff in there" would be my choice.

quattrofl > Stef Schrader
12/05/2013 at 13:03

The I4 was not my decision, I for one, would like to have at lest 6 cylinders. And for your problem, the 5 Series offers a tri-turbo inline6 diesel with 380 HP and 545 lb ft of torque.

Stef Schrader > quattrofl
12/05/2013 at 16:17

MUCH better. MUCH.

Forgetnomore > quattrofl
12/06/2013 at 20:20

This list needs more Twilight Bronze Volvo V70. Yummy 5-cylinder diesel and manual available. Sadly the V60 can't be had in brown.

Kinja'd!!!

Atlantian > quattrofl
12/07/2013 at 06:32

Are these cars actually available in America?

I just looked, the RWD 328d is only available as a sedan and not available with a manual transmission.

You got my hopes up for nothing, you suck..

And since I am on the verge of getting arrested (A story for another time) from unintentional speeding everytime I go out of the house and bored out of my mind at the same time I am going to be selling my 6mt Passat TDI (with only 140 hp) for a Scion FRS as soon as I can.

quattrofl > Atlantian
12/07/2013 at 10:41

Sorry bout that, I've double checked it and you are right, the wagon only comes with xDrive. Dumb BMW.

quattrofl > Forgetnomore
12/07/2013 at 10:42

It's not RWD.. unfortunately

Forgetnomore > quattrofl
12/07/2013 at 11:41

Oh right totally missed that. Hopefully Alfa Romeo will have an offering in a couple of years, otherwise the less pricey rwd wagon market looks bleak.

Spike_africa > quattrofl
12/07/2013 at 11:53

You can get a diesel jetta sport wagon in brown with a manual.

pfftballer > Atlantian
12/07/2013 at 12:32

Funny you say that. The two cars I own right now are a 5mt TDI four door Golf and a FRS. Take a good long test drive. The FR-S is a hoot when you wind it up, but it's the polar opposite of the TDI. It's absolutely freaking GUTLESS from 3-5k RPM whereas that's where the good stuff is on the TDI. It's sad to admit but I regret my FR-S purchase. They're fun if you want to drive like an obnoxious tuner bro everywhere you go, but when driven sanely they are woefully underpowered.

Atlantian > pfftballer
12/07/2013 at 12:55

It's very much like a Ninja 250R vs an R1, if 0-fun does not kick in before 0-jail hits, then I won't have a very good time with it.

It's a fast highway cruiser, I know faster is better and more advanced, the TDI feels like a nice high speed train, triple digits in complete comfort and silence, until I get-roadblocked-then-stuffed-in-the-backseat-of-a-cruiser-and-verbally-abused-threatened-with-personal-violence-from-the-detaining-officer all because all-the-interceptors-cannot-catch-up-to-me-and-they-think-I'm-criminally-insane.

Bottom line, I do not need more power for the streets especially in America, and I am perfectly happy with that kind of car at the track for a drift day. I've tested what the BRZ feels like sideways. I've given up on looking forward to driving on the public roads anyways, it'll be in the garage during the weekdays and only be used for groceries and track days, I can commute by bicycle and bus.

Diesel repmobiles are good for one thing and one thing only: Transporting you from point A to B swiftly without drama, not really enthusiast cars. They feel more advanced than any other family car on the road, but they are ahead of their time, and law enforcement in America is not ready for them yet.

They'd be perfect if the legal speed limits on motorways are raised to at least 120 mph, and a mandated 90+ in the left lane or you get pulled over for obstructing (and then and only then, the FRS would be "too slow" for American roads, I've done highway commuting in a Type 1 Beetle for a month straight, so I know "woefully slow" but truth be told, it wasn't really).

pfftballer > Atlantian
12/07/2013 at 13:05

Lol it is true. Excellent explanation. I'm happy to hear your body cavities weren't searched repeatedly. Yeah the Toyobaru is fun as hell when you're sideways and screaming at 7k RPM but when you get caught in normal traffic you find yourself missing that TDI torque that allows you to merge effortlessly at will. To execute the same merge in the FR-S involves downshifting and lots of loud noises and dirty looks. You can drive like a flipping maniac in your TDI and nobody outside of law enforcement with speed sensors looks twice at you. You wind out 2nd gear your FR-S to merge into traffic and everyone around you is scowling and shaking their fist at you. That's actually why mine spends most of its days in the garage. It really does need more power, and yes there are exhaust systems and tunes that promise more, but in this car the last thing you need is a louder exhaust.

Atlantian > pfftballer
12/07/2013 at 13:11

I have a relatively clean driving history so the shift supervisor told them to let me go, I also gave them my girlfriend's phone number, called her at 1 am and confirmed I wasn't entering California to do crime .

Otherwise, the officers said if it was up to them, they would just punch me in the face and leave me by the side of the highway in the cold rather than arrest me.

I've owned a straight pipe Merc 16v and straight piped E30 M3, I miss those cars, the 86 reminds me of those old sports sedans from the 1980 (No other modern car has this "joie de vivre", modern cars take themselves a bit too seriously) and it's rather quiet and civilized to me (my brother had the same opinion on his Lotus Evora, too quiet). I guess it depends on where you live, but I'm thinking with unequal length headers, I might get thumbs ups when I press on the loud pedal in the PNW (Subaru WRX territory).

Oh, and since my girlfriend who will live with me has an automatic Ford Fusion, I think I'm safe to get my dream sports car.

pfftballer > Atlantian
12/07/2013 at 13:14

LOL you have to post this up on Oppo. Great stuff. Cops can't handle the diesel!

Atlantian > pfftballer
12/07/2013 at 13:19

I will make an angry rant-filled blog post on Oppo once I get this ticket paid off so they won't see it, change their mind, and send me a warrant for my arrest before the charges are finalized.

Ya know, undue and unwanted publicity.

If Risky Devil/Junkhouse is happy with driving 86s compared to their built up turbo-beasts that they were so famous for, then it's enough car for me as a drift noob. I know Slava (not RD crew, I don't think, but is internet-famous through Ziptied), Philstar, Ill Roller (AJ Gillette), Revgasm Josh all bought 86s, and are stunting relatively stock engines, maybe some straight pipe exhausts at most. I know I'm missing another white BRZ on bags, that also drifts. So there are about 5 pretty gangster grassroots ZN6/ZC6s owners in America.

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Not to mention Ken Gushi (FD driver) and Pat Cyr (DMCC driver) owns FRSs as their personal DDs.

quattrofl > Spike_africa
12/08/2013 at 08:36

it's FWD

Spike_africa > quattrofl
12/10/2013 at 16:34

Ticks almost every box off. Just add tune, water/meth, quiet exhaust turbo back. Have fun.